How to Spot the Signs of Codependency
Codependency, on the surface, might not seem like a bad thing. After all, we all want to be needed, right? But codependency takes things much further than that.
In a codependent relationship, the need to be needed is often met by a person who needs another person. Sound confusing? It’s a cyclical situation that can create an unhealthy relationship dynamic for both people.
A codependent person is someone who relies on another person — typically a romantic partner — for their own happiness. They don’t consider themselves fulfilled or satisfied unless they feel their partner is happy and has everything they need. That’s the “giver” in the relationship. They are often willing to sacrifice just about anything to ensure their partner has everything they want.
Of course, where there’s a giver, there has to be a taker. The taker often enables the codependent person, which can be a form of abuse.
With that in mind, let’s look at some of the common signs of codependency.
The Traits of Codependent People
Not everyone who is codependent has the exact same characteristics. However, there are a few common traits you’re likely to experience if you’re a codependent person. Some of the most notable include:
Low self-esteem
The need to feel important
Difficulty identifying and understanding your own emotions
Difficulty making decisions
Ultimately, if you feel like you don’t mean much without the approval or “need” of another specific person, there’s a good chance you’re codependent. That can lead to confidence issues and make you eventually question your own identity. It can also lead to even bigger mental health issues if that codependent relationship ever comes to an end.
You Can’t Live Without Someone
One of the biggest “red flags” of codependency is the feeling that you can’t live without a specific person. You have a deep, compulsive need to give all of your attention to that person and feel a connection with them at all times.
While it’s normal to want to “give” in a relationship, codependency often strips you away from your own identity. You might give up your own thoughts and opinions if they clash with the other person and adopt their ideas instead.
A Deep Fear of Being Alone
Codependency can stem from a variety of issues, but it’s often caused by a fear of abandonment. You might be actively willing to give up parts of yourself for another person because you’re terrified of them leaving you.
Unfortunately, this is a cyclical issue. You might become codependent in the first place because you have low self-esteem. But, a codependent relationship is likely to make you even less confident in yourself and your emotions. So, you’ll cling even tighter to the relationship and lose more of yourself in the process. Eventually, you might feel like your personality solely depends on your partner.
A Diminishing Support System
Codependent people tend to either have a small social circle to begin with or become so entrenched in one person that they tend to cut other people from their support system out. You simply don’t have time for friends and family when you devote yourself completely to another person.
Again, this can become problematic very quickly. Without a solid support system, it will be easier to lose yourself in that one person and even easier for them to take advantage of the situation.
What Can You Do?
Do these red flags sound familiar? Are you starting to feel resentment because you’ve given so much of yourself to one person?
Thankfully, breaking free from a codependent relationship is possible, and recognizing the signs is often the first step. If you’re ready to prioritize yourself, don’t hesitate to reach out for professional help as soon as possible for therapy for women or attachment therapy.