What is Perfectionism & Where Does It Come From?
Perfectionism is often mislabeled and misunderstood. After all, what could be bad about having high expectations for yourself and others? What’s wrong with wanting to do your best all the time?
Absolutely nothing. But that isn’t perfectionism.
Most people realize that they have limits. They understand there are realistic and unrealistic expectations. A perfectionist doesn’t necessarily see that. They tend to set those unrealistic expectations for themselves and can get extremely frustrated when they realize they’re unattainable.
It’s important to understand what perfectionism is and where it comes from so you can take steps back to a realistic way of perceiving your actions. Let’s take a closer look at the ins and outs of perfectionism.
What Causes Perfectionism?
There’s not a single root cause of perfectionism. It doesn’t typically just magically manifest in some people and not others. Often, perfectionism begins in childhood. Maybe you had parents with unrealistically high expectations. Maybe they expected perfection from you or showed disappointment when you didn’t meet their standards.
Perfectionism can also show up later in life, stemming from a fear of judgment from others. Maybe you’re anxious about people disapproving of you, so you overcompensate by holding yourself to an impossible standard. Anxiety, as well as other mental health conditions, including OCD, can be triggers of perfectionism.
What’s important to understand is that perfectionism is strengthened by an internal drive. It’s a pressure you put on yourself. While your opinion of how others perceive you can influence it, that isn’t the cause.
Signs of Perfectionism
So, what is perfectionism? The name is pretty self-explanatory, but it goes far beyond a desire to be perfect. Some of the most common signs of perfectionism that could have a negative impact on your life include:
Feeling guilty
Procrastinating
Constantly craving approval
Feeling defensive when you receive feedback
You might also be critical of others who don’t meet your “perfect” standards. So, it should come as no surprise that perfectionism can take a negative toll on relationships. Many people think it’s just a career-related issue. But, when you’re a true perfectionist, it tends to take over every area of life. That puts a lot of pressure on yourself and the people around you.
The Risks of Perfectionism
Obviously, no one is perfect. You can put your best foot forward every day and work until you’re exhausted, but you’re always going to fall short of 100% perfect.
That realization is tough for perfectionists. When you don’t live up to your own unrealistic standards, it can lead to feelings of failure. You’ll become more stressed, anxious, and depressed. It can affect your confidence and sense of self-worth, creating a vicious cycle that makes you want to work harder and go to even greater extremes to be perfect.
How to Overcome Perfectionism
The best way to let go of perfectionism is to start looking at your expectations and how realistic they are. Let go of the things that you know are impossible to achieve, and work on setting realistic goals for yourself.
Additionally, get comfortable with making mistakes. Don’t feel like a failure when things don’t go the way you planned. Instead, consider those mistakes as learning experiences and opportunities for growth. Some of the greatest success stories in the world stem from multiple failures and mistakes.
Finally, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. If you’re not sure where your perfectionist tendencies began, it could be something you need to dive into. Anxiety therapy is a great way to uncover the root of perfectionism. Not only will you get to the source, but you’ll learn effective strategies that can help you overcome it and find peace in realistic expectations.